Yeah!!! who doesn't like to travel, going around the world, viewing new places, learn new languages, learn from new cultures, eat or at least taste new flavors different that the ones we used to eat.But is just a little problem with that and is called money, but other then that everyone likes to travel even i think all of us would like to go to the moon, but that is another story.
Mostly all of us are travelers cause we left our home countries and we began our journey to here, we left everything we know to go to the adventure , and here is where we finish, but is not the last one we have a lot to places to see, so keep your suitcases ready cause we gonna be traveling.
Funny! Yes, money....ah yes, money.....
ReplyDeleteI think you can rewrite this to make it more effective; try these things:
Start with the question, Who doesn't like to travel? Going ...etc.
- take out moon comment - too distracting. Break it down into several sentences.
Second paragraph:
Break it up into about 4- sentences. Vary your sentence lengths.
Start with something like,
Immigrants have a different travel experience OR
We are officially travelers now; we have left our home countries....etc
Conclusion is great.
MAIN thing to think about in your writing is run-on sentences, you just put all your ideas together into one sentence and that is hard to follow for the reader I mean....what?